S02E011, Roles & Responsibilities Part 2, Marriage Matters
Introduction
In this episode of Marriage Matters, Andy B and Jo take a look again at roles and responsibilities within our marriages – this time focusing less on the practical side and more on our attitude and heart.
JoJo notes the need for ‘Sacrifice, Submission and Service’ and Andy B challenges us not to judge one another and to act out of love and compassion.
This week, Andy B shares two scriptures, one relating to the Church but noting the relevance in marriages and the second one about the Early Church and how they shared everything with joy and generosity, equally relevant to couples.
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1 Corinthians 12:21-26
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Acts 2:44-46
The Meaty Section
Andy and Jo chew through some difficult topics and try and make sense of it all.
#RealTalk and #RealLife is just what we do!
Tips and Resources
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Peaceful Wife – April Cassidy
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Song of Songs – read together
The Take Away
Andy – We need to ensure that any of the thoughts we bring into our marriage, about how marriage should be, don’t get in the way of what our marriage could be. There’s plenty of pressures being married, that are unique to it. But they just need managing like in any other situation. Don’t judge what you see because we rarely see the bigger picture.
Jo – Our life as Christians should be very much on display within our marriages. As Christians we should be exhibiting the Fruit of the Spirit, but our marriages also should be exhibiting exactly that too. While you can put on a Sunday smile to the people in your local church, that simply isn’t going to work within your marriage.
Andy and Jo
Andy B
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Transcript
Andy 0:28
Well, hello, and welcome to another edition of the ever amazing Marriage Matters. I'm Andy.
Jo 0:36
And I'm Jo.
Andy 0:37
And you're very welcome to join us as we take a second look. Part 2, Roles and Responsibilities. Last week, we looked more at the practical.
Jo 0:46
Yeah.
Andy 0:47
And this week, we want to take a bit more look at the relationship side of it. Yes, you need to take the bin out. But why do you need to be asked to take the bin out?
Jo 0:54
Yeah. So looking at values and attitudes. It's, it's a heart. We're always talking about marriage matters, and it's the heart of what, what we think and what we do, as well as the outside, isn't it? And, so, we talked a lot about the outside. Putting the bins out. What was the other? Gardening, shopping, cleaning, that kind of stuff.
Andy 1:12
All that kind of malarky?
Jo 1:13
But, now, it's more about the way in which we approach things. Our heart. You know, that's where, that's what God can see. Not necessarily we can always see. But you can see attitudes, with, when your eyes raise or something.
Andy 1:25
Our spouse can see the bin. God can see the heart. Yes. But if you want to keep up with all that we're doing with the BerryBunch, which you really, really want to do, honestly, it's the best thing you can do. You get one email a week called "Berry Bytes", and you get one email a month, called "Bigger Berry Bytes". It's not complicated with us! And it just lets you know what we've been doing in the last week. And then what what we've been doing in the last month? So, there you go. Yes, you can do that by signing up on the website, www.BerryBunch.family. Find the little thing that says Newsletter, add your email address and, as my little Peter would say, Bob's your uncle. All good!
Jo 2:00
You didn't do your whole Marriage Matters,and matters of the heart of marriage, and stuff like that. You skipped that.
Andy 2:05
I was waiting for you to do it. It's more fun! Yes, this is Marriage Matters where we discuss all the matters of the marriage that matter, because Marriage Matters!
Jo 2:12
Yes, that's what we're doing. Roles and Responsibilities. And, after 25 years, we've, I wouldn't say we've cracked it. But yeah, you go to
Andy 2:23
Don't do that while I'm drinking!
Jo 2:24
You go through seasons, don't you? And it changes. So it never nothing stays still in marriage, does it? So?
Andy 2:29
No. There's no such thing as a grey area. And there's no such thing as standing still.
Jo 2:34
Yeah.
Andy 2:34
You're either moving forwards or backwards? Or, yeah, there's no grey areas!
Jo 2:39
Yeah. So it's give and take, and changing, and rolling with resistance.
Andy 2:44
Rolling with, rolling with resistance is a good one. Because that's part of life changing, isn't it? So, you know, the usual kind of you have children, that's kind of one of the first things that's a major game changer for you as a family. All of a sudden, all the roles that one person did, now the other one needs to do. And vicki vercy. Which, in Joanne speak means vice versa.
Jo 3:02
Yeah. Things come along, don't they, which means that we have to adapt and change. So, if one of you's away for a week, for example, you know, there's only one of you to do the practical side. But it's also managing, you know, with these changes with these
Andy 3:19
Managing expectations, perhaps might be another one.
Jo 3:22
Yes. And we talked about that when you first get married, or before you get married, to look at that.
Andy 3:28
Yeah, isn't the next one our Season Finale?
Jo 3:31
Yeah, one left to go.
Andy 3:32
We'll do, next week, Managing Expectations. That can cover everything from dating to marriage, the wedding night through to children through to retirement through to jobs. We'll do Managing Expectations.
Jo 3:45
Yes. But for now we're going to look at Roles and Responsibilities.
Andy 3:49
Part 2.
Jo 3:49
Part 2. Yeah, looking at the heart, looking at our attitude. I was, I came up with the idea of sacrifice, submission and service. So that's, you know, our heart in our marriages.
Andy 4:03
Indeed, Shall we have a little break?
Jo 4:04
Yeah.
Jo 4:07
Family Prayer Time. So what is it, Peter?
Peter 4:11
Well, it's where me and mum, or, well, Jo, we look at, we find a subject for prayer, so maybe a Psalm, or a country, and then we pray as we feel led, and Bob's your uncle.
Jo 4:22
Excellent. Yeah, absolutely. It's Family Prayer Time, me and Pete, pray together and we'd like you to pray as a family. So join us for Family Prayer Time.
Jo 4:50
So this is the meaty section of Marriage Matters where we're looking
Andy 4:53
The Meaty Section.
Jo 4:54
we're looking at roles and responsibilities, Part 2. So we've done the practical side, but we're looking more about the heart. So, we've got some scriptures. We've got some thoughts, some ideas. So, our first scripture is 1 Corinthians 12, 21 to 26. And I can't even remember what it was about.
Andy 5:13
Oh, 12?
Jo 5:15
1 Corinthians 12. That's what I've written. Oh, we're doing it again aren't we?
Andy 5:17
No, no. I put it in the wrong place.
Jo 5:18
Oh, that's all right. that's alright.
Andy 5:21
It's all good. Yes, one Corinthians 12. We used this one last week. But let me just, I'm on 1 Corinthians 15. That's just incompetence on my part. That's fine. Right, 1 Corinthians 12,21,
Andy 5:34
"The I cannot say to the hand, I don't need you. And the head cannot say to the feet, I don't need you. On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker, are indispensable. And the parts that we think are less honourable, we treat with special honour, and the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has combined the members of the body, and has given greater honour to the parts that lacked it so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it. If one part is honoured, every part rejoices with it."
Andy 6:14
Now, I made this point last week, the distinction, that little piece of scripture is actually talking about the church.
Jo 6:20
Yeah.
Andy 6:21
And it's talking about how we function in church bodies, church buildings, okay. However, I think it would take no great effort to say, well, that should apply to marriages too. Because, actually, we are the bride of Christ, the church, and actually Jo is my Bride, I am the Bride of Christ, Jo is a bride of Christ. And, actually, I think there's a lot of synergy in there enough that it takes no great expert expectations or, you know, acrobatics, to say this applies to marriage too.
Jo 6:50
Yeah, there needs to be this harmony, this working together. I was saying earlier that the idea of sacrifice, submission and service is a submission to one another. Not, you don't want to come into the marriage full of arrogance saying 'Well, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do that. Or this is the way that this is gonna roll.' Again, it's coming back to being humble and gentle.
Andy 7:12
Can I borrow your pen?
Jo 7:13
Oh, has it just run out?
Andy 7:15
It's just died.
Jo 7:16
Scribbling away there.
Andy 7:17
Carry on. Yeah, so there's a humility that we need to have. And, and so like you say, whatever those words for the church, it also applies to us 'cos we're part of the church. And, of course, we've spoken in other episodes, haven't we Andy, about the fact that our marriage is an evangelistic tool, isn't it?
Andy 7:35
Yes!
Jo 7:35
So if we've got a good marriage, then the world will say, 'Hang on. I want some of that. What's that about? How come they're getting on? How come they're working in harmony?' And they may, may also want to know, know, the God that we know.
Andy 7:47
There's a friend of mine, Olli, Olli D from Nigeria. Olamide. What a great name.
Jo 7:51
Cool!
Andy 7:51
Anyway, a good friend of ours. He's done a video on, it was actually on ministry. And he was looking at ministry, jobs, marriages, life. And he makes a really clear distinction that if you've been called to celibacy, there's nothing to distract you. If you've been called to marriage, 'cos he makes the same point that I do that there's only two states of sexuality. There's either married, or not. If you've been called to marriage your first ministry is your wife, is your children, is your family, not the way that you bring in your money through your ministry. That has to come second.
Andy 8:25
He talks also, it's a video that I'm going to put out next week or last week, next week. No.
Andy 8:31
Sometime.
Andy 8:32
It'll be coming out. But actually, the video's really good, because he just talks about the importance of putting, putting things in the right order. And, in order to do that, he says there's lots of distractions from a marriage. But if you are married, actually there's lots of benefits as well. And, one of those benefits is, you are a living example of the relationship between each one of us and Jesus Christ.
Jo 8:51
Yeah, I was thinking about it, 'cos we have responsibility to each other. And there is scripture, isn't there, about you know, actually, if you don't look after your, your spouse, then it's like you're hurting yourself, aren't you? And I was thinking, you know, sometimes if your spouse isn't doing well, and they're struggling, it might be actually, have you failed to play your part? To give them the support? To, you know, get them a cup of tea? To give them the opportunity to offload if they've got difficulties? To ask them if they're okay?Are you spending enough tim? And we've done date night and things like that. And we have a responsibility to look after each other haven't we, as well.
Andy 9:26
Yeah.
Jo 9:26
In that,
Andy 9:28
Jumping ahead a little bit to the Tips and Resources, we're gonna mention a book called Peaceful Wife, by a lady called April, Cassidy, who has now stopped blogging, 'cos she's looking after a family, which is great. But we'll come on to why that's important. But one of the things she got frustrated with is her husband didn't help in the house, as she expected him to. And the book really starts out by saying why he didn't help, and the problems that caused, and what she did to fix it. That's kind of a bit of a prelude. I know it's coming up in Tips and Resources, but I think, and that's why greater, Managing Expectations was on my mind because, actually, we can come into marriage with all sorts of, you've got the stereotype the wife comes in this romantical view of it's all going to be lovely and it'd be like, you know, the old times of, you know, Prince Camelot and all that kind of stuff. You know, that's not that's not that's not a reality.
Andy 10:17
The name's gone. He does a marriage blog and we've got one of his books. Mahaney.
Jo 10:23
Okay.
Andy 10:23
Sorry, C J Mahaney, and his wife was talking one time, and one of the accounts, she said to his wife, who's just, you know, basically was having sort of a mini meltdown really. She couldn't cope with life and all the rest of it. And then it's kind of sex was in there, and she was like how am I supposed to do everything? And she's like, stop trying to make a three course meal for your husband, make him a jam sandwich, then go and have sex. Now, that's part of managing expectations. That's part of respecting the other person. And actually, we can do so much within our marriages to care for the marriages, we forget about the marriage itself. And the problem becomes, it can become the problem.
Jo 10:55
We've talked about how we can argue and when you get into argument, you always think the other person's wrong, don't you? But actually,
Andy 11:02
Yes you are!
Jo 11:02
There are, there are things that we can do to prevent, and help, the other person. I was just thinking, then, when you were saying about expectations that April had a better husband and what he should be doing, I remember, I went to stay with my dad. And, you know, he, I think he thought I was lazy, that I didn't want to get involved, but I felt I didn't feel secure or safe. I felt, I felt uncomfortable. And I think, if he'd have understood that, then, you won't get the best out of someone if they're not feeling safe, uncomfortable. And so we can judge people. And we talked about judging our other halves before. It's like, hang on, you know, it's maybe not that they're lazy. It may be that they don't know how to do this. Maybe they didn't realise that was what. You need to communicate, don't you?
Jo 11:43
But you also need to show some, some compassion, some love, some understanding, especially if someone's particularly tired from work, or they're distracted. And, I mean, some people just don't have, you know, they're they, they're very intelligent, or they're very, you know, committed to their job. So they've just got a lot going on in their mind.
Andy 12:01
Can I share a little YouTube video?
Jo 12:02
What's that?
Andy 12:02
There's a little bit of bad language in this?
Jo 12:04
Oh.
Andy 12:05
But it's really fun. It's called The Magic Coffee Table. And it's a sketch that was done in Australia. I don't know who did it. I'm not going to link to it. You can go and find it. Go and search for the magic, The Magic Coffee Table. There's also a magic fridge. There's also a magic cupboard.
Jo 12:18
Warning on language.
Andy 12:19
Okay, warning on the language, but it kind of, it was funny. But the point is that this guy, every day, puts stuff on the table. And every morning, it magically disappears. And his girlfriend is standing there, or his wife saying,
Andy 12:32
"Are you are you having a laugh?"
Andy 12:33
And then the policeman comes because his wife's gone missing?
Andy 12:36
"I think what happened, she fell on the table."
Andy 12:38
And there's a female police officer who says,
Andy 12:40
"Are you, are you insane?"
Andy 12:41
And then the male, the male police officer says,
Andy 12:43
"No. I've got one of those."
Andy 12:46
How much of an expectation? Magic Coffee Table. Sorry,
Jo 12:50
Check it out.
Andy 12:50
a little bit of bad language, but you'll enjoy it. Unless you don't lke bad language in which case don't watch it. But, yeah, it's really funny, because I think there's an interesting stereotype of the wife clears up and cleans up. But, actually, the guy, and this is the part that didn't necessarily highlight, I found it fascinating that he didn't even know that he had to do anything.
Jo 13:08
Yeah.
Andy 13:08
Because he left it everywhere and it was always fixed. Now you could easily think, well, my husband loves to clean the house. That's why I can leave my clothes near the washing basket. He enjoys cleaning up after me. You might genuinely think that.
Andy 13:21
I grew up in a house where we had a cleaner. I never had to clean anything. I got married. I had no clue. There was no malice on my part. I didn't know that you had to clean. I'd spent my entire life not having to clean. Why would you clean? You know, we've got to be really careful, with mindsets, that we don't get stuck thinking things that we should think differently. But I didn't know about cleaning.
Jo 13:41
Yeah.
Andy 13:42
And I'd not, you know, I remember Christmases, Easters, you know, whatever, the women of the house, you'd try and help out, 'cos I love helping out, and I'd be told to go away. "No, no, this is woman's work". Well, is it anyone wonder I got married and thought it;' woman's work. I'd been told that for 20 years.
Jo 13:57
The other stereotype that, that comes out in Ice Age, that's definitely a film you can watch. I think that's PG. But there's the squirrel. I've forgotten the name of the squirrel.
Andy 14:06
Scrattaye
Jo 14:06
He finds a girl squirrel and they fall in love and they set up home. And there's just this, the poor Scratt wasn't it?
Andy 14:12
Yeah.
Jo 14:13
Who was having to move the furniture around. And she kept changing her mind. And he was just getting really tired of it. And that is a stereotypical thing, isn't it that, you know, the male is sort of forced to kind of do these jobs, that they don't really want to do. And, and there's that sort of misunderstanding isn't there.
Andy 14:28
Yeah. And I think this is what we're really talking about. There's so much potential for misunderstandings in marriage. I mean, Jo was great. She didn't. You got a bit funny when I didn't clean sometimes. But, I was like, I didn't know I had to. So you had to actually teach me how to clean the sync. And it sounds sad, but hey, that's life. That's what I'd been brought up to not know how to do. So you taught me how to clean the sink up, how to clean, because I'd never been taught, I'd never really got to see anybody clean a house. So I was really not well brought up. I didn't have a clue! Now, you can say 'Oh, well, you should know'! Do you know what's interesting. You can't know what you don't know! There's a little logical thought for you!
Jo 15:03
And that's what we're talking about isn't it's the heart and the attitude. It's about giving each, it's give and take, isn't it? I think there's a second scripture that weren't quite done. Asks 2, 44 to 46. I don't know if this fits in at all.
Andy 15:15
No, I wanted to come back to what we were saying.
Jo 15:16
Oh, yeah.
Andy 15:17
Just recapping ever so briefly on last week, 'cos one of the things I said was, we need to think higher with the other person. And one of the things that the Bible tells us to do is to cover each other's faults. That's in the same kind of idea of modesty. We cover those things with honour. You don't say, 'Oh, look at that person. They're rubbish. Look at what they're doing!' You, you don't draw attention to it. You might need to go and have a word, you know, in a loving, gentle, caring way.
Andy 15:39
I remember we had a youth group. We had one guy. He didn't know how to clean. He had brand new, clean clothe,s all the time. He'd never been taught to wash. And one of our team actually went and chatted to him. She was a doctor and she really lovingly, caringly told him about personal cleanliness. He didn't know. So, you know, don't ever ever judge. Please don't judge what you see. Because it, it just makes an idiot of you.
Jo 16:01
Yeah.
Andy 16:02
You're two parts of the same team. If one of you does badly, you both do badly. If you're saying, well, 'He didn't take the bin out so I'm not gonna take the bin out'. Who's the idiot? The person who didn't take it, for whatever reason, or the person that knows about it, and still doesn't do it. If you don't like the word idiot, tough! So, Luke, Acts 2
Jo 16:22
44 to 46.
Andy 16:25
Wow, it's at the end isn't it!
Andy 16:27
"All the believers were together and had everything in common, selling their possessions and goods they gave to anyone as he had need. Everyday they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes, and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favour of all the people. And the Lord adding to their number daily those who were being saved."
Andy 16:45
I remember our lady at church. She was not old. She was an older lady to me. And, they, she was a really busy household. And, despite all the frantic, frenetic business of, her husband had a big business and all this stuff, she still would look for somebody in the, in the church who needed their ironing doing, just to remove a burden. So, you know, she'd spot a newborn baby and 'Ooh, where do you live? Let me come get your washing for you'. You know, it was that kind of an idea. And we need to do that! We need to do that in our, you know, in the church. Don't just look for Christians, you know, non Christians need help just as much. And there's things we can do. But within the marriage, it's the same principle. Can we look to help?
Andy 17:22
Can you look to support another marriage? Yeah, it's good to look after yourselves. First Aid. Yes, that's all important. Can you help another marriage? Can you build another marriage by taking the ironing off them? If they've got to do ironing, we don't do any ironing because we buy clothes that don't need to be ironed. But, maybe you need some ironing doing? And maybe you support someone who's a bit tired, a bit struggling. You see that new child and you think they're gonna be tired. Can I kind of get the shopping for you? Let me bring it in. I'll put it away for you. Can I take your washing? How about I just clean the house?
Andy 17:50
I still remember Alex, bless him! We were selling our house. We'd had an absolute nightmare waiting. All this stuff had gone wrong. A guinea pig had died. And it was, you know, you'd been caught late at work. I'd been called up to Scotland for a job. And we were having some people viewing the house. We made a phone call to a couple that we knew were free. Alex, bless him! And he came along and he, 'Right, what you want me to do?', 'Well, we've got all these lists of things', and I just listed off one of them was cleaning the toilets. 'I'll do that'. 'No, no, you can't, you can't clean the toilet'. 'Yep'. And off he went and cleaned the toilets for us. it was one of the most precious things I remember really clearly. Just that act of servant hearted, helping another couple who were in a stressful time.
Andy 18:31
Well, hello. My name's Andy B.
Jo 18:32
And I'm Jo.
Andy 18:33
And we've got some super exciting nose. Nose?
Jo 18:36
Nose, news.
Andy 18:37
No, new, we've got some news. We've got some
Jo 18:38
You said you could do this Andy.
Andy 18:40
Well, I do try. Anyway, we've got some exciting news, not noses, coming for you. Because, on Konnect Radio is a brand new radio show.
Jo 18:45
Yeah.
Andy 18:46
Called Family Focus. And it may be a shock, but actually we're doing it.
Jo 18:50
Yes. And not on our own because we've got a really cool dog called Dave.
Andy 18:54
Yes.
Jo 18:54
Dave, the Dog who joins us.
Andy 18:56
Yes, Dave the dog who's a dog called Dave. It doesn't get much more complicated.
Jo 19:00
He's dead funny. He's dead funny.
Andy 19:01
He's very funny. He, he comes along to help us we got a good, good contract for him. So, that's coming up.
Andy 19:06
We've also got the Doggy Cushion where we talk about family successes,
Jo 19:10
Highs and Lows,
Andy 19:11
Highs and Lows of family life. So whether you're nought, 8, 88, 888, then you're welcome to join us.
Jo 19:19
You don't have to do math on this show.
Andy 19:21
No! It's fine, we don't. So come join us for some great chat, some great music and some great stuff coming up on Konnect Radio. Family Focus
Andy 19:37
Caught off guard there a little bit. Anyway, Tips and Resources.
Jo 19:41
Yes.
Andy 19:42
Have you got it with you?
Jo 19:43
Oh, I haven't got the book with me.
Andy 19:46
That's how skilled we are tody!
Jo 19:46
Yeah, that's it, but we have shown it before it's The Peaceful Wife by April Cassidy. And the reason why I said that is, is that it's a lot about the heart. And it's got that illustration which I love of that dance, isn't it? That each of you have a part to play. There's the the husband, there's the wife, and they each have their role, their responsibility within that dance. And that's a marriage. It's that dance? It's that you don't step on each other's toes. You don't bang them in the eye. You don't drop 'em.
Andy 20:13
Graceful and elegant.
Jo 20:15
Yeah!
Andy 20:15
Not, elephants and a bull in a china shop.
Jo 20:17
And so there's, yeah, there's an elegance, there's a grace, there's a gentleness there's a, an understanding isn't there? And there's trust, you know, as she whpoops up in the air, you know, you gotta trust they're gonna be caught.
Andy 20:30
Whoops up is a dancing term. Not like she's thrown up everywhere with vomit. that's now what we're talking. That's a whole, different, other problem.
Jo 20:37
So you could do a whole thing on that, couldn't you? About trusting each other, and each has their part to play, and you give them their space. But, also, there's time to come when they're close, sometimes when they're sort of a bit further apart. and stuff like that. I love that analogy. So you'll find that in that book, but it's, it's about the heart and attitude. And, obviously, April takes us through her own personal experience. But it is that relationship with God. It's that prayer. It's that submission. It's that service. It's that sacrifice, isn't it? It's that heart attitude of putting the other person first.
Andy 21:08
I'd love to recommend for you guys a good book, 'cos Peaceful Wife is very much written for wives and I don't know of any.
Jo 21:14
Yeah.
Andy 21:15
I can't think of any. If you've got one, let me know. But there's some good books around but nothing that really fitted it felt. However, I had some suggestions.
Andy 21:22
One of them was take some time to read through the Song of Songs. Now, we always, we're gonna keep on coming back to the Song songs. The Song of Songs is the marriage book, really. So, we're going to keep on saying that, but read it, listen to it as a couple, spend some time thinking about how the two parties are interacting with one another, through the Song of Songs. Especially the last third when they're actually married. And it's that way they, they look at each other. And one of the things that's so easy to forget, is when you get married, you stop trying to romance the other person. Was that right? Is that, can you romance someone?
Jo 21:55
I don't know.
Andy 21:55
Being romantic towards somebody,
Jo 21:59
Woo.
Andy 21:59
Woo! So, yes, we don't say woo! So, make sure that you don't forget the importance of chasing after the person. Yes, you're now married. But it is so, so easy and I can't stress this enough, how important it is, don't ever stop being romantic to your spouse. Because all the chasing that you did, yes, some of that now doesn't have to happen anymore. Because you know, you're wed. But, you shouldn't stop chasing them. And that includes things like when they're coming around to your flat one day and you think, 'Okay, I'm gonna make a nice meal and I wanna make a good impression, and you clean the house up, you know, before she arrives. And that's the kind of thing you should still be doing when you're married.
Andy 22:36
Yeah.
Jo 22:36
Just a thought...
Andy 22:37
Yeah, I mean, I think it makes me think about those love languages and not necessarily agree or whatever, but there's some useful information in that love languages, isn't it. And, that you can actually show a lot of love by the things that you do. Not like 'Hey, hey, darling, I've cleaned your room', or 'I've got, I've done, I've put the washing in the washing machine'.
Andy 22:57
Oh, do you know, 'I've cleaned all this for you'. Okay Jo had a cardigan one time. A really expensive cardigan from the top northeast of Scotland.
Jo 23:04
Yeah.
Andy 23:04
Beautiful, beautiful woolen cardigan. Really expensive. And she'd put it in a washing machine too hot. And it got a little bit ruined. I mean, not, it was wearable, but it wasn't great! So I helped her out by putting it in the tumble dry. Now we can help each other out and not help. We can tidy the desk. 'I put it all in a big pile.' 'But I'd pend 2 days putting it into piles.' You know, we got to be careful when helping isn't helping.
Jo 23:30
Yeah.
Andy 23:30
So I'm thinking particularly of home office desks and stuff. You know, on my bedside table is my domain. And I don't, I don't let Jo tidy it! 'Cos she'd tidy away things that I use every night. So! 'Does that have to be there?' 'Yes, it does.' It's my little, my little place, my little sanctuary. I do tidy up hers because it gets a mess. But, hey, that's a different story.
Jo 23:49
We're not ending on that!
Andy 23:50
No. No we're not! So, Tips and Resources. Talk to each other. Do you know we could do Tips and Resources every week just saying 'Talk to Each Other'. And yeah, watch next week's edition when we do Managing Expectations.
Jo 24:04
Yeah.
Steven 24:12
So, Endurance. Wait, no, first. I'm Steven.
Nathan 24:15
I'm Nathan.
Steven 24:16
And we're brothers actually.
Nathan 24:17
Yeah, in case you hadn't noticed
Steven 24:20
Yeah
Nathan 24:20
I mean I know the much more masculine physique on this side may have thrown you off.
Steven 24:26
Yeah, I'm actually older.
Nathan 24:28
Yeah.
Steven 24:29
Taller, stronger, fitter.
Nathan 24:32
Maybe.
Steven 24:33
No, definitely.
Nathan 24:35
Anyway, that's not the point of Endurance. It's Spiritual Training, not Physical.
Steven 24:39
Yep, yep.
Nathan 24:39
Not that we, obviously we don't compete that much.
Steven 24:42
Nor spiritually. You shouldn't compete spiritually either.
Nathan 24:45
No.
Steven 24:46
No.
Nathan 24:46
But I am better than you!
Steven 24:49
Dunno what to say to that.
Nathan 24:51
There is no no answer.
Steven 24:53
So, the point of Endurance is all about 1 Timothy,
Nathan 24:55
Taking the mick out of each other.
Steven 24:57
It's all About 1 Timothy 4 verse 8, which says "Physical training is good but training for godliness is much better". So it was an idea, which, I think it was my idea actually wasn't it?
Nathan 25:09
It was a joint effort. There's no I in team!
Steven 25:12
Yes, so it was definitely my idea.
Nathan 25:14
Yeah.
Steven 25:14
And the idea being that we have to, well I was challenged. 'Cos, basicall,y I enjoy exercise, I was doing lots of weight training, lots of running, and I was getting a bit obsessed about it.
Nathan 25:25
You were failing to train spiritually.
Steven 25:27
Yeah, you could say that I was idolising physical fitness.
Nathan 25:31
So, we created Endurance to help him learn, better, how to balance spiritual and physical training.
Steven 25:37
Yeah, basically.
Nathan 25:41
'Cos I've already cracked it.
Steven 25:43
No, no!.
Nathan 25:44
No?
Steven 25:47
You've go a long way to go yet. So go check us out.
Nathan 25:50
I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. I mean, you're way beyond.
Steven 25:54
Cut!
Andy 26:06
And we're back for the Take Away. The Take Away, where we look at what we can take away. It ain't complicated really, you know! It's not, it's not a hard formula to follow. So what have we looked at today?
Andy 26:19
Well, we we've been doing Part 2 of
Jo 26:22
Roles and responsibilities,
Andy 26:23
Which is all about Roles and Responsibilities in the house. So when we come into marriage there's often a lot of expectations are what we think, how things are going to be, how we think they should be. We come with all this expectation, which is why next week's gonna be Managing Expectations, of how the marriage should be, what the house is going to look like, how the other person's gonna look, how we should be, what we should do, what we shouldn't do. And then we get married and Gods laughing 'cos that's not how it works. Because we need to dump all that because, actually, you're not two individuals in a marriage. Okay. Now, you're one team.
Andy 27:00
And this is something I keep coming back to you because it's a really biblical principle. But it's about working together. And if one of you is failing, then you are both failing. If one of you is struggling then you are both struggling. If one of you is having a great day, you're both having a great day. And that's how marriage needs to work, in order for it to flow really well.
Jo 27:18
I think what I'm taking away then, is that last scripture was, you apply it to the church and the body of Christ, but you also apply it to your marriage. And it's sort of basically, you're being a Christian in your marriage, aren't you? Whatever values, whatever God is asking you to do, you do it in your marriage. And so it's. it's well, it's not rocket science really is it. It's, like, just be the fruit of the Spirit in your marriage as you are everywhere, really. But it's harder when you've got someone very close to you. Because, you know, you can put a show on your Sunday smile, or your Sunday experience, couldn't you. Not that you should. Or if you don't spend as much time with someone you might get on better. But when you're with someone, you know, you're sleeping the same bed, you have the same bedroom, although you have maybe separate bedside tables that that's your domain. But you know that you're in your lives a lot more. So there's much more more challenging, isn't it? So?
Andy 28:08
Yes, it's more challenging because it's more pressured. There's lots of good with that pressure. But there's more pressures, and those pressures need to be managed, like anything else.
Jo 28:16
Yeah.
Andy 28:17
So what's my Take Away? I think my Take Away is, it's really important that we don't judge, not because I think Jo judges, or I judge. But it's just, it's a reminder to me of the importance of, we come in, into a marriage, this is why I'm thinking why next week is gonna be Managing Expectations.
Andy 28:30
We come into a marriage with so many ideas of what it's going to be like. You got the romantic, whimsical idea of the wife, of 'I'll be swept off my feet. And we'll have, you know, a Bible study every night and we'll, you know, have lovely meals'. And it just doesn't happen. Life happens!
Andy 28:45
And the husband might come and think whatever the husband's gonna think and you know, you just you need to come into that marriage excited about what God's gonna do through you, and in you. But, marriage is the best way I think, that exists, of humbling us to become more like Jesus, because you are laid bare absolutely. There isn't really anything you can hide in a marriage. And if you're hiding stuff in a marriage, you've got a bigger problem anyway.
Andy 29:09
So, yeah, I think it's just a reminder that don't judge what you see. And also, is there a marriage near you that you can help that you can support? You look at that, you know, that couple and you think 'She's just had a baby. This is the easy, obvious one. Let me go and see if I can help. I'll take your washing for you.
Andy 29:26
On a little side note, if you're gonna do washing, make sure they haven't got skin allergies. Because we've had people who wanted to help us and we had to say no, because we can't use washing detergent 'cos we all have a perfume allergy. Well the boys do, I don't, Jo does. So, just be careful when you're helping someone that you're not then making it harder work.
Jo 29:44
Yes.
Andy 29:44
Just a little input. We've had that one!
Jo 29:46
Yeah, I had a thought then, and it's gone. And I can't remember what it was now. What were we talking about? Roles and Responsibilities. Ah, it's annoying when that happens, isn't it? It's just gone! Carry on.
Andy 29:58
Washing machines?
Jo 29:59
No.
Andy 30:00
No. Detergents?
Jo 30:02
No.
Andy 30:03
It goes back to a previous thing actually and it's a very biblical model that if we help someone we need to help them. So, if someone comes to you with a problem that you need to take the problem away, not triple it. So, we had one person who helped us, one time, by doing our washing. And we didn't think. We hadn't used washing detergent since Steven was born because he had a really bad reaction to it, to the to the perfume, which is quite, you know, it's 40% of the population. And they washed our clothes, and I had so much washing, 'cos I had to wash those clothes four or five times to get the detergent out. After one wash! Just a thought.
Jo 30:30
Yeah.
Andy 30:31
So, be careful when you're doing stuff that you don't create more work.
Jo 30:34
Yes.
Andy 30:35
And that applies for other marriages and within your own.
Jo 30:38
Yeah.
Andy 30:39
There you go.
Jo 30:40
That's Roles and Responsibilities Part 2. Yeah, it's about the heart. It's about loving one another, isn't it? Oh, I know, a scripture popped into my head and it's, oh that was it. "Consider it pure joy when you face trials of many kinds"
Andy 30:55
I focus on that scripture lots when I have to think about you.
Jo 30:59
I can't believe you said that. But that is life, isn't it in marriage. You grow to be more like Jesus and these, it's all good.
Andy 31:10
I'm gonna pay for this later! Talk to each other. And my one, again, if you see a bin that's overflowing, and you think 'Well, that's their problem Why hasn't my wife put the bin out? It's her turn!'. Just put the bin out.
Jo 31:21
Be the bigger
Andy 31:23
Bin carrier.
Jo 31:23
Bigger, bigger, bigger spouse.
Andy 31:27
I think we'll finish there. So, thank you for joining us for another interesting edition of Marriage Matters and all things domestic. So, we will see you again next week for our Season Finale.
Jo 31:37
Yey.
Andy 31:38
So that's our 12th episode when we're going to look at,
Jo 31:41
Oh I forgot already. Oh Managing Expectations.
Andy 31:43
Managing Expectations. Have a great week wherever and whenever you are. We'll see you again real soon.
Jo 31:47
Bye for now.
Andy 31:48
Bye for now.
Jo 32:02
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Steven 32:15
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Nathan 32:32
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Andy 32:45
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